Sentimental Inception

Hi.

So for those of you who thought I was going to talk about Inception the movie after reading the title... I'm sorry to say you will be disappointed. Though the fact did cross my mind that using 'inception' in a title would be super awesome... ^_^ Just remember that inception is an actual word with it's own meaning independent of the movie, a definition formed centuries preceding the inception of the movie - and no, it has nothing to do with messing with peoples dreams the way you want to. Now that I've clarified that point, onto the actual point of the post.

Over the past few weeks, I have found myself from time to time having taken back a step from my own life and casting my gaze towards the interactions of those around me: the ways people communicate strive to form connections with each other. Specifically, I notice the stumbling first steps into the wonderful world of romance.

Now if you've read my previous posts, you would probably know that I have a highly cynical view of romance. However, that's usually only with respect to myself. Yes, there are other circumstances around me that harden my resolve against romance. But there is one thing that breaks down my stoicism with respect to the lovey-dovey stuff: when you see two people honestly and innocently taking the first steps down the road to a relationship. Now, it isn't the fact that I can see them together 10 years in the future - that is so highly unpredictable that contemplating it ruins what really makes me grin like a town idiot.

It's the giddy feeling you get from something new: finding yourself wanting to talk to them, the little rush of excitement in anticipation of seeing them, the joy of sharing your day with them, the uncertainty that makes you want to know what they are thinking - How much do they think about you? Do they like you the way you like them? - It's the feeling of something new and so genuine. I can't help but wonder why can't it happen more? And what brings me that "awww" moment? Seeing it happen all around me.

Sure I'm jealous that they get to experience that flood of happy feelings. But my joy in observing it trumps any negative emotions. There's something about the way they communicate and interact that just makes me want to go hug them and giggle. It's cute beyond words (I most definitely cannot think of myself being cute in that way = cynical towards romance for myself). Yet, I think there's a bit more that makes me feel so tender towards these budding relationships. I think it's because I know all the parties involved. Even if I don't know all the details (I mean who wants EVERY detail really), I get to know the feelings of both sides. In fact, I get meddle.

Ultimately, I like the idea that I had a hand in bringing together these people - that I had a hand in something that is honest and open - no shady business, no illicit affairs, no need for secrecy. There are feelings and there is nothing holding them back aside from maybe a little bashfulness here or there. It's a bit of a rush that I know that I introduced them, or I facilitated the moments when the connection happened. And most obviously, I'm in the know. I'm reading a novel as it's being written, and even engineering events myself (sometimes unintentionally). It's a heady sensation. Like how I managed to introduce two of my closest friends while one was visiting me for a weekend. And now they are a daily source of "awwww" moments. I swear I sometimes just sit and smile just thinking about them.

I'm sure that it's not just that these connections are happening right in front of me. It is the fact that they are happening to good people. That they know how to be honest, no unnecessary coyness. For instance, I am a common factor between one of my old dance teammates and one of the guys of the group of people I hang out with this semester. After spending the entire night at a house party together and heading out for a late night ice cream cap at dawn, I asked the guy jokingly about what was going on between the two of them. And instead of an evasive brush-off, he looked me in the eye saying, "I like her. I really like, like her." It was an "awwww" moment if I ever saw one. Not only was it refreshing to hear someone be so direct about their feelings, it showed his sincerity towards her. And that makes me happy on her behalf.

Aside from the natural rush of endorphins I get from the "awwww" moments, I also get this feeling of hope and optimism. Simply by seeing something unintentional and genuine, it makes me think that good things can happen. I've been walking around the past few days just smiling at nothing for hours on end after thinking about the little sweet moments. It is such a change from my wallowing mood the past month, and I love it. It's like someone is whispering in my ear Yes, life is hard, but things do turn out for the better, they do. And with all the uncertainty I've been dealing with, it's the warm front that is moving the clouds away to let the sun blaze across my skin.

It is true that these relationships may not last, or that problems will arise. But isn't change what life is about? Is it not why we cling to little (or big) constants in our lives, because who knows what will happen in the next second or next decade? Will it be a momentous moment? Or will you find yourself trudging along the same boring path? The future is unknown, and these tender beginnings are the present. And the joys that they bring keep me floating in the ocean. Sure, there's not a drop of fresh water to quench my thirst and there is nothing stopping me from just giving up. But I'm not drowning (at least not yet) and I could still find my way to shore or even get saved by a passing boat. These sentimental inceptions remind me that I am alive - I am living.


Originally as I was planning out this post, I had plans for a different song, and even a nifty ending note for it (I guess I'll have to save it for later). But then strains of guitar began leaking through my roommate's door, drawing the words from me. To just being in the present and letting it carry you with its tender embrace, 'Run With It' by Deenz:
http://soundcloud.com/deenz/run-with-it

A special thanks to my roommate for letting me coerce her into recording and posting this song especially considering she just composed it. Ohhaay!


P.S.: They recently made a music video for Run with It! Here's the link! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TB7IZVhtPaw

Lyrics:

Why can't you look at me, tell me how you feel
Tell me something real
Why can't you look at me, tell me how you think
It can't be that hard to say something
I know it's not easy for you to speak your mind
But if you do, I promise that you'll find
It feels so good, to be understood

Chorus
So just run with it, run with it
Take me and go
So just run with it, run with it
Take me and go, take me and go

I want someone to open the door for me as I walk on by
And if I'm alone in a corner, for them to ask me why
And lend me a hand when I need it
Lend me a hand so I can feel it
I wanna believe myself when I say
No one else can make me feel this way

Chorus x2

Oh it's too complicated, complicated, too complicated
It's too complicated for me
Oh you're too complicated, complicated, too complicated
You're too complicated for me
Why can't you see, it's too complicated for me, for me

So I'll just...

Run with it, run with it
Take myself and go
I'll just run with it, run with it
Take myself and go
I'll just run with it, run with it
Take myself and go
Run with it, run with it
Take myself and go

Just take me and go, take me and go.