Realize 1.0

Hi.

This post is the easiest. I knew exactly what I was going to write and how I was going to attack it. But it wasn't, because I was stuck on which song I was going to use. Because each time I thought of a song I enjoy that musically fits the mood, the lyrics really didn't work. They REALLY didn't.

So I decided to suck it up and start writing. And well, that led me straight to the perfect melodies.

 Press play and read! (note: there are 2 songs)

Now down to business. A couple weeks ago, my family was out of town for a wedding. We were part of the bride's party and man it was a blast. But the thing about helping out means that you get a few glimpses about what goes on behind the scenes. And it's not always pretty.

One of those not so pretty factors was the mother of the groom. Now I'm not going to get into the details of her antics, but I'll just mention the "'culmination" of her attitude that weekend. During her reception speech, the mother of the groom took on a grief-like tone, emphasized her special, unbreakable bond with her son, and basically told the bride that she couldn't break that mother-son connection and warned the bride from trying to do so.

Now all that family drama aside, it seems that these mothers can't seem to relinquish that grip they have on their sons - especially when another woman (i.e. a wife) comes into the picture. Especially if they had no choice in the matter (i.e. hand picking a meek wife obedient to the mother-in-law).

The simple answer is that they are scared that their sons will no longer remember their mothers when a wife comes into the picture. And I know that it can happen like that. But simply taking an extreme over-possessive stance with their sons is not the solution, it only leads to unhappiness and all around miserable parties.

So seeing and also discussing all the little things the mother of the groom had done through the course of the wedding led my mother to make the statement, "You'll stop me or let me know if I become like that with your brother, right?" towards me.

After dryly ensuring that I'd have no compunction pointing out any overly-zealous, protective actions, I got to thinking. What if, it wasn't my mother who had to worry about being the mother-in-law from hell, but me who had to worry about being the sister-in-law from hell? [BAM. Breakthrough. - in case you missed it ^_^]

But seriously, more so than my mother, I have fostered and maintained a very close and slightly controlling relationship with my brother. I mean I've talked about how me and my brother's relationship has evolved as we have aged. But there are some things I can get away with, maybe because we're so close and because he implicitly trusts me.

My brother listens to what I tell him to do, when he's in the mode to be receptive - which usually happens around me. This means I not only am the one to relay information and commands from the parentals, but I have a hand in most of the aspects of his life. It probably helps that he doesn't mind showing me the real parts of most of his life ^_^.

The possibly best part about this, is that I have a controlling hand in his appearance. Which means the clothes I pick are tried on without fuss, and more than likely part of the closet. It means that my opinions on hair styling/products and footwear are usually the path most taken.

I also love that I'm his personal critic and soundboard for all of his music endeavors. And most importantly, I'm the one that gets him through his nerves and helps him relax/understands when he needs to relax. We share secrets and we share guilty pleasures (i.e. doughnuts, trips to the movies, french fries, etc)

The bottom line in all of this, is that he comes to me for advice and as a person to confide in. And well, a part of me really relies on that. And all of that is going to change when my brother gets married.

I'm not going to be the sole confidant anymore (at least I shouldn't be). I'm also not going to be the closest person he has, so I would no longer be the only person that knows him the best (which I shouldn't be). This all leads to me being the crazy sister who won't let any bitch come in between her and her brother.

I mean the obvious solution is that I end up marrying and have a family of my own that occupies my time and mental capacity. But if anything I doubt my brain will let go of the special nature of our relationship. I mean there is no one else I will have this kind of relationship with.

Of course he could also (hopefully) end up with a girl that understands our bond and works with it instead of around or through it (one being submissive to it, and the other ignoring it). But I can literally imagine myself clashing heads with the girl. And that's not something I want to put my brother in the middle of.

But he's MY brother. Right now imagining someone else replacing me as his closest person makes me feel incredibly lonely and jealous. And if there's anything I know, both of those are impressively strong motivations to become the bitch from hell.

I mean even now, take this chick he enjoys spending much time chatting with. I can't seem to find it within me to stop calling her "that chick". Ok, maybe that has something to do with the fact that she has the same name as me (though I came first so I have dibs). But even then, I judge her at every step. Anything she likes or comments on in facebook. Or the way that she dresses in her pictures and how her posture shows that she's a horrible classical dancer. I've judged it all and keep doing so in a particularly harsh manner.

When I dissect this attitude, I could pretend to say that I am being so severely discriminating because I want the best for my brother. It fits. But I feel like I'm using this to make up for not finding any other reasoning aside from being jealous of the time they spend chatting. And the ironic part is that I find my brother's thoughts and developments about girls (including this chick) to be cute, and I'm there as the supportive older sister.

I don't know how, but that one simple question my mother posed opened the flood gates, and has got me wondering just how far my reach into my brother's life goes and how long or how much of it will last. Maybe I'm so scared just because I first discovered a meaning of love with respect to my brother, and he is the one I love the most as of yet.

Maybe it just comes down to just trusting my brother, as he trusts me. Trusting that he will care about my opinion about girls in the future. Trusting that he won't let our relationship wither because he will reach out to me of his own violation. Trusting that I have the sense not to become the ultimate bitch-from-hell-in-law. Trusting in our close relationship.

In looe we trust.


Back to the music in case you're still on track 1