Hi.

Thoughts from a silent, snowed in corner

Sitting in my corner, watching the snow outside, hearing the silence, I find no one to break the quiet. Different time schedules, things to do, people to meet, work to muddle through. It feels lonely. I feel useless. Maybe because there are things I could be doing, projects I could pick up, exercise to wake me up, planning for my future.

A common feeling returns like it always does, a yearning for the proximity of comrades, the signs of other intelligent life, the laughter that is the mark of our friendships. And yet, the presence of any of it seems to cast a pensive blanket over my mind - for at the end I'm to return to the silence - I can't help but hate that forecast.

And as I look out at the picturesque clumps of water crystals tumbling and floating to the ground, I wonder if maybe that makes it worse - how do you enjoy the snow on your own, when the only feedback is a world that has gone to sleep?

It slows me down, piling on like layers of snow, and it seems like my only outlet to the outside world is through the screen of my laptop. And yet even now, that doesn't seem to help. Nothing seems to fill this void.

So here I still sit, bundled in layers, yet freezing, staring at the white of my screen and the world, waiting for someone - anyone - to call me out from this silence.

---

One without the other

Hi.

While reaching the end of an awesome lineup for the Kennedy Center Honors, the speaker for Led Zeppelin, Jack Black, spoke a witty line:

"[They say that they sold their souls to the devil, but that's ok]. For while you spend eternity in hell, we will be listening to your heavenly music till the end of time."

The thought that came to me was literally, considering the back and forth between God and the Devil who was fucking who? I mean, think about it, on the one hand you have devilish talent, that creates something heavenly (aka God fucking Devil). And on the other, you have heavenly music that's created by something devilish (aka Devil fucking God).

But the thought immediately following, is that are they really fucking each other? Or are they just fucking themselves? 'Cuz without that kind of great talent, you could never create such amazing music. And if the music wasn't considered so amazing, would people even consider the talent so great, that it could have only come from souls being sold to the devil?

It's like basically without one aspect or side, the other would never have gotten the credit in the first place. It's almost as if one could not exist without the other - that only when placed in such contrast does either shine - as if it is necessary for both heaven and hell to mingle to create bliss.

And then it leads me further: considering you wouldn't be able to stay in heaven if you made a contract with the devil, and heavenly music has no place in hell - you can see that the only place that is viable to combine the two aspects is on earth. Which makes you think, maybe paradise isn't necessarily in heaven, but here on earth.

Well, I'd say it's something to think about :P (And here's some of that awesome-ness to share ^_^).

---

Shoe Update!

Hi.

So exciting news folks. Do you remember that time I said I was going to inventory my entire collection of shoes? Well, that time has finally arrived! I finally managed to get over my procrastination photograph every shoe in my possession.

The updates might be a little slow, but I'll try to go in sections so that each time I update, the newest additions will have a new hot link created in the menu. Check it out!

And when I say "check it out", there really only one voice that screams it in my head:

---

Word.

Hi.

I realized lately that I've been missing something. I've missed writing. The simple gush of words that tumble out faster than your hands can form. There is something romantic about sending someone your thoughts in this simple form. You don't know what they think as they read the letters and emails and blogs you write. But it's somehow an intimate interaction [I do not refer to the thousands of business and spam emails you get - this is more of a social communication where you share with the receiver].

More than speaking to someone, writing to me requires that extra bit of effort and brains to transmit your thoughts to another. And what is pretty neat is that when you get a card, you know that they were thinking of you the entire time they spent writing.

So despite the whole rush to be more efficient, higher speed and output with a decreased input, I simply love that antique interaction of writing to each other (though the speed of email is a convenience I do enjoy).

So maybe sometime, you'll consider sitting down and take sometime to write a long winded message to someone, and who knows, they might even write back ^_^.

P.S.: Cheers to my lovely Codeduck who has decided to share her experiences with the written word, or should I say code ^_^

Do you wanna buy a duck?

---

Ripped Out

Hi.

Breathe.

In.
Out.

There is no sound. So breathe. Listen.

In.
Out.

It's so cold, it's numb. So breathe. Feel.

In.
Out.

A plug was pulled. There is no current.

In.
Out.

It needs a restart. No paddles. Please.

Oxygenate.
Pump.
Breathe.

Just Breathe.

---

Bond-ed

Hi.

There is a bond that brings my family together. A bond that has the strength of 50 years. One that is re-vowed  in the autumn month of November. It is reaffirmed by bloodshed and honor and intelligence. It takes us to places we've never gone before, brings us the thrill of danger that makes us feel alive. It's shaken, not stirred.

It's that double-O kinda bond.

Elemental

Hi.

So, recently due to my mother's practice of playing the downstairs audio system while she exercises (since clearly it's too cold or too wet to walk outside these days...), I've gotten the chance to listen to a certain awesome soundtrack from the Tamil movie Rhythm. And I love the music so much, I just wanted to share it and dedicate a post to it ^_^. If you had been following my Song on Repeat, you may have noticed I had already paid tribute to them for a couple of days (they're here on the list), but just to give you the opportunity to listen if you haven't already I have them here for you ^_^.

Don't forget to press play!

Nadiye (Nathiyae Nathiyae)*

This first song, is inspired by the element water, and it's one of my two favorites of the soundtrack. I think one of the reasons I like it is that the flow of songs changes and dances along. The mood of the song varies drastically but it all comes together in a great way. Though the highlight to me is the refrain portion (they sing the names of the major rivers in India) with the chorus of female voices. It's just a very compelling harmony ^_^.

*The names of the songs vary so I  put the Grooveshark song title in paranthesis.

Kaatre (Kaatrae en Vaasal)

The second track is influenced by the wind. I think this song is a bit silly, especially after seeing the video from the film. Feel free to fast forward this song ^_^ - just kidding :P. This song has it's own great parts, and similar to the first track, I like the portions with the background singers and the instrumental flute melody the best.

Thaniye (Nilamay Poru Nilamay)

This track is the gutsier song representing the earth. Really, when I listen to it, I just feel like breaking it down ^_^. I can't say I have a favorite part of this song, it's all pretty great. I guess you could really classify this song as the "guy" song in the soundtrack. Especially since, back in the day, I do recall that several groups of guys would use this song as music for their dances at programs in the temple when the movie came out. They clearly agree it's a great song to dance too ^_^.

Pathikichu (Aiyo Pathikichu)

This fourth song represents the element of fire. I can safely say it's the "sexy" song of the movie. It's definitely the lowest on my list of favorites. In fact my mom would always forward this song when it was playing because she despised it, or got sick of it. I swear that I don't remember the song past a certain point because I've never listened to the full thing ^_^. If you notice, it's also missing from the Songs on Repeat ^_^.

Gala Gala Vena (Anbay)

The last song takes inspiration from the sky. It's also one of the songs that joins the long list of songs that I've danced to in my grade school days. I do remember this song because there were 3 of us who danced to it, and we represented almost all of South India: each of us being Kannada, Tamil, and Thelugu. It was really a fun dance, especially since we all were great dancers ^_^. But out of all the songs, I love the beat and spritely melody (especially in the main line of the chorus). It's joyous and flirty, and the song just seems to carry you flying into the sky. [Yes, I really like this song, in case you didn't catch that ^_^]

<(°v°)>

---

Fall no more

Hi.

I think I'm heartbroken. Absolutively, positutely, heartbroken. Where did you go?

Old Biddy* again?

Hi.

So my mother has been on a mission to replace the permanent flower arrangements and so we've been to Pat Catan's several times browsing through aisles of fake flowers (there was even a trip to Michael's). But somehow on the latest trip Monday night, despite the ridiculous rain from hurricane Sandy which I didn't want to do, since well it was raining sideways and gray and murky and who wants to do errands in that kind of weather? I stumbled upon a group meeting.

Earlier in the rounds we had been making, I noticed one of the workers walking out of the back storage with a clear bag (think garbage bag size) filled with skeins of yarn, and I thought, "oh man, did she horde all that from the shelves and keep it all for herself? Damn girl." As we neared the front of the store, I notice that very same worker sitting with a few others at the few tables that were set out.

So after plucking up a bit of courage, I bumbled through a conversation, to find that they were a group that got together from 6-9 Monday nights to share and talk about projects and work on them. I was invited to join and confirmed as a true crocheter [apparently due to having several projects going on at the same time at various stages of completion - take that Kristine :P - though I still appreciate the occasional push ^_^].

Though somehow... I'm a little worried for myself... why? Well, let's just say, I'll be joining a group of much older women who like watching dancing with the stars live [I'm sorry my opinion of that show has dropped considerably in the past few years]... So does the fact that I'm kinda excited to join this group of old biddies make me one too?

Happy Halloween!

*Old Biddy Syndrome - just in case you didn't get the reference ^_^

---

Show and Tell, Progress 2

Hi.

So continuing on in the spirit of logging my positive points in life...

• Clearly I have too few crochet projects on the table, and I need more. So I've added on an additional project (already a tenth or an eighth of the way through). What makes this seem alright? Well, the cute project is almost done. Just the tassels and knotting/tucking the stray ends in left to do which some would consider the hardest part of the project...
• I am now finally a VIP member at Pat Catan's. Free membership complete. Now the only problem? All the yarn is always marked down with a red tag... which equates to no discounts. Joy. Well, at least  it's tax exempt and there's the beads and wiring for the project I'm working on with the temple...
• Physical exercise is a go. Yoga was Wednesday and Friday nights this week, and will be repeated the same next week. Now given that each day has been followed by a recovery day, maybe I should carry on the spirit of working out (in my own this time) to ensure there is no repetition of the slacker days. Positive thinking, motivation activating... ok, let's try that when it really counts like not 1:30am ^_^.
• Tomorrow will hopefully be the first in the long series of attempts to learn Sanskrit. Now, where is that notebook I'd say I'd procure? Well, there's always computer paper :D.
• As a few of you know, I've been trying this thing called Friday Night Wine Nights (FNWN for short). First 2 Fridays went along without a hiccup. The following 2 were somehow made up later the same weekend, though differing in species of poison and brand of company. But this week, by some miracle of serendipity, not only did FNWN proceed without a hitch, but a new red wine was savored (fruity, not very dry, inexpensive, and with potential for use in a variety of situations), there was vibrant company and delicious food, and I learned that wine nights need not happen in the wee hours of the night ^_^.

So maybe progress? Only time will tell ^_^.

But of course this is not yet the end. A few things to share with you, for your hearing pleasure, the songs of this post (2 cuz the last one didn't have a song ^_^):

Now many singing/music collaborators (a Capella, solo composers, DJs, showchoir, glee clubs, etc) have taken it upon themselves to combine two or more songs in a medley or mashup. And frankly, to me it's very easy to fail. Sure it's easy to find songs that come together wonderfully or follow such similar paths that joining their melodies can be found. (Though it's the ones you don't expect could be combined that amaze you ^_^). But the biggest criticism I've had is that the songs are not mixed well enough. Aside from highlighting each song, what really makes the mashup shine is when both songs are juxtaposed frequently (having lines from both songs come together several times not just once in transition). One of the best examples of a mashup I've ever heard (the full version, and if you can, pay attention to all the voices/lines sung):

The first thing that drew me about this next song? The ukulele sounding stringed instrument at the start ^_^. Well that and the name of the band, Imagine Dragons. At first it was shock since I felt they were kind of ripping off I Fight Dragons. Yet somehow the name brought this sort of rising, hopeful feeling inside, something fantastical (ok, not a word, but the one that came to mind ^_^), and it meshed with the song, making it grow into this happiness monster. But by all means, let me not get carried away, for it is indeed time to begin listening to the song:

I hope you enjoyed this slightly longer than usual Little Scratch ^_^. Goodnight and sweet dreams [of pineapples].

---

Progress

Hi.

I figured that maybe if I document progress, I'll stick to progress, and not regress back to where I was before.

• I've gotten back to crocheting, a big project, a challenging project, and a cute project are all on the work table. And add to that, I can get a VIP card from Pat Catan's for free before Oct 25th, and I'll get more discounts on yarn, and I might even tackle a 2 yr old project that never seems to get finished.
• I'm going to learn Sanskrit, plans include learning from my brother with the side positives: I'll be able to use that to see him more often, I'd get out of the house on the weekends, and we'll be able to share his textbook. And on top of that, it's practice for him, since he's taking the course as we speak. Now just to pick a dedicated notebook...
• Today, I volunteered at the temple, decorating the tent/carrier thing used for tonight's Navrathri puja. And I have been given the chance to make a more lasting decoration that can be reused year after year. Community/volunteering/spiritual work that'll be good for the mind and soul ^_^.
• I helped out by tutoring a bad mouthing, back talking (or so I was told) nine year old who I actually didn't think was much worse than the usual distracted, curious nine year old. And not only did I manage to help him finish his homework, but I also apparently managed to get him to act more civilized/respectful than he's ever been.

(I'm getting vibes of déjà vu... is this my grade school journal again? ^_^)

All in all, it's been a good few days. I've gotten out of the house (even if it's just to get a bit more yarn), and I feel like I'm doing something proactive. So after all that, why do I just want to curl up into a ball and stay there listening to my "Blah" playlist?

Well... maybe I do know why. But that's for me to brood about and you to puzzle over.

---

Harmed

Hi.

There are many kinds of hurt. There's the physical kind - the boo-boos, the cuts and scraps, the accidents, the cancerous, the inflicted - those that register as bodily damage. There is another category, the emotional.

To quantify these, well, you'd have to be an expert. Or, you could experience them all. And somehow as time goes, I seem to be racking up quite a repertoire.

Absent Minded Professor-ness

Hi.

There is a serious and fatal mental condition affecting the population of the globe, both young and old - the onset unpredictable. It is a serious disease, causing loss of memory, oblivion to the surrounding environment, and even sudden loss of coherence mid-thought.

And so when you find yourself with these symptoms, it's time to get serious.

Unchallenged

Hi.

"A mind that remembers the insignificant little details, is a mind that shows the potential for greatness but lacks the challenging material to harness that potential."

Just yesterday, I came across this saying at a workshop. A dance workshop in fact. And it occurred to me, that lately, my mind seems to have been filled with the most ridiculous, idiotic bits of information. Something that had never happened when I was dancing.

Now, as you may know I love to dance, and it's a kind of escape for me. Part of it was that I could dance and completely not think about anything else - probably because I was completely using my brain power towards dancing: memorizing the choreography (and making it ^_^), how to move your body, the music, the formations, the expressions, etc, etc, etc.

I mean if there's one thing I can do, it's remember dance pieces, not just quickly, but also for a long period of time especially with muscle memory aiding the memory. I like to think it's because I have a separate brain for that kind of thing - or well, a separate side of the brain ^_^. You know, left side is analytical and right side is artistic; therefore, the left side remembers the deadlines, the class information, the studying, and the like, whereas the untapped space in the right side soaks up every aspect of my dancing.

So one would then assume, as the reinforcement of the dance items fades (no longer practicing), those neurons lose their connections, and the memories fade, leaving large areas of unused brain matter that are taken up by these useless thoughts.

So maybe it's time for me to go back and relearn those dance items, to reinvigorate my brain with dance. Maybe it's time that I back up my statement that I am a performer with the knowledge of the items I've learned. For what is a dancer without her dances?

---

Props

Hi.

For that awkward moment you just realize one boob is bigger than the other.

And not the one you thought.

---

Just Drive

Hi.

Procrastination jitters?

I've reached a point where something could actually happen. It'll no longer be in my head - actual events will unfold. I can do all those things I've planned to. All I need to do is apply the pressure on the gas pedal.

Yet I hesitate. 

I've shifted into drive, but my foot's cemented to the brake.

I'm nervous.

It's as if now that I'm faced with the product of my split second choice, I can't seem to move forward. There are butterflies... and not the good kind.

Is it because it means that this whole thing will be real? It feels serious.

Or is it because it's under wraps, and I just don't want to see my parents speculating looks?
My hand is reaching for the gear shift.

I can't seem to move forward.

I slam the parking break.

I distract.

I divert.

I fib.

I avoid.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxWpsUiAxL8

---

Dark Side

Hi.

What does it mean to be in a committed, serious relationship?

It of course would consist of fidelity, honesty, love, compromise, sharing - you know what you'd expect a relationship to consist of.

But what trips me over is the honesty. Not present honesty, but honesty about your past. There are those moments from your past that you are ashamed of, and things that have happened in your life, that though they define you, are only known to you, because you have covered the true reasons with the white lie you've been living.

Are you expected to reveal your truest secrets in the fear that such misinformation may lead to the death of said relationship when revealed?

*Cough*

Hi.

Holy shit I'm so amp-ed up that I can't even write this. 

It's like something's taken over me.

All I can do is squirm around, giddy as hell.

I can't believe I did that.

I can't believe it just happened.

Oh my fucking god I just DID that.

And then he just said that.

Oh my god, it just worked.

My adrenaline's skyrocketed.

Sleeping took forever.

I'm awake before my alarm.

Bubbly-butterflies-bumblebees-buzzing.
Is this even real?

And it started with a whisper

- well, a cough, but frankly does it matter?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Rgf7enIgoc&feature=relmfu

---

Frankenstein

Hi.

She's ALIVE!

Yes, I am. Really. It just seems that lately I've been stranded in a bubble in the suburbs, wilting away indoors.
Somehow, without tasks that force one from the confines of the house (to the extent that I despair when I'm deprived the opportunity to go grocery shopping) and people with which to interact, it becomes very easy to be lulled into a becoming a recluse.

So, yes. I'm alive.

Just barely.
---
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gt31tD-nABw

---

That spot between a rock and a hard place

Hi.

So if there's one thing I seem to know how to do, it's being mediator between my mother and my brother. I don't know when it seemed to become my 24/7 job description, but I can tell you that it is most definitely nothing to be ecstatic about. In fact being the go between just gets worse when you have been raised to do what you parents ask without question - leaving you in the middle and most definitely with no time on your hands.

Gravitation

Hi.

Disclaimer: 

I began writing this more than a month ago, and I am most definitely too lazy to re-edit the introduction.

And this post has a dictated soundtrack, so unless you have the data... no reading on mobile devices :P

And, now you may proceed ^_^

April, May - months that don't really end much, but very much like the nature of spring itself, they are months of many endings and beginnings have happened for me, full of events that have no undo button, locked behind bars in the dungeons of my mind. But like an echo, traces of their presence linger in my memories, to haunt me again and again and again.

And once I turn my mind to past events, visions of altered actions and possibilities of future events race through my mind. Even if I stand up and push away such thoughts, I seem to return to those thoughts with a renewed vigor fueled by recent events, despite every logical fiber of my brain screaming the delusional nature of such futures.

It's like I can't seem to escape the pull of these treacherous dreams. And it makes me wonder, given the fact that I can't seem to escape their orbit, can I really make claim that I have moved on, when I'm still trapped by their gravitational pull?

Badges of Honor

Hi.

Scar - 

(n) a wound that has healed poorly, or without the sufficient nutrients, causing the location to be filled with fibrous connective tissue instead of the correct skin and body tissues.

Or, like I like to consider it, a permanent memory etched into your skin, a reminder that you have lived your life and have the proof - probably a mindset more akin to that of age old cultures with a bit of a romantic flair to the whole thing. (which frankly is kind of weird now that I've typed it out... I'm really strange... :P).

Return to the Matrix

Hi.

I know, I know, it's been forever since my last post... in fact I think it's my first post in May, and there's barely a week left in the month...

But not all of it's my fault - I've been off grid for some time now.

Ok, I exaggerate a bit... I wasn't completely off grid, but I most definitely was as close to it as I could possibly get, and I definitely was around folk that were completely off grid - because it's easier to do that when you live in the middle of the ocean on a live volcano.

^_^

It was amazing, everyone should go there, I never wanted to leave, but alas I had to return to reality - but man it was AMAZING...

...to be continued... 

(after I finish organizing, captioning/tagging, and posting the 1,000+ photos taken on both cameras brought to the islands, and possibly unpacking and doing laundry at the least... >.<)

P.S.: And yes, I refer to the islands of Hawaii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

(in case you were wondering ^_^)

---

Touch

Hi.

A mind unchallenged (or unused) will fall into a state of decrepitude.

Through disuse, newly formed synapses diminish in number. And with age the ability of those very neurons to recreate or even maintain such pathways abates.

It's through those connections we are able to sense the world around us. We live through these senses: seeing the faces of the people we care for, hearing the opinionated conversations, tasting the delicious meals shared, painting our memory with the aromas surrounding us, and feeling.

Feeling the kinship of another human being - reaffirming our connection to the people who are closest to us. That is what we communicate through touch. It is a way to remind ourselves that we are not alone - a connection that no form of technology has managed to reproduce. It is an intimate interaction. 

So it makes me wonder then that if we are without a consistent triggering of such sensory neurons, would those pathways will also fall into decay, leaving us with faded memories of another being's warmth?

---

Flora Fancies

Hi.

They are the ultimate gesture of apology, adoration, gratitude, sorrow, regard - you name it. They brighten any room, by bringing all that is fresh and alive indoors. They decorate nearly every celebratory event and all those that are for mourning or loss. They are vibrant and subdued. People even say that they have special meanings, each type or each color symbolizes more than what meets the eye. And apparently every girl should have a favorite.

Frankly, I didn't figure out mine until the last year or so, and really, there isn't just one... and even then I can't be bothered to say those are the only favorites I have.

Lowest of the Low

Hi.

It's something that you feel to your bones: something that vibrates through your cartilage, tendons, and muscles - that makes your adipose tissue hum. Slow and lumbering, yet somehow essential, it adds the extra layer of depth and just depth in general.

It's the lowest of the low, the lowest of low registers.

Powerful Words

Hi.

In just about every fantasy novel you could have read, it seems that there is one unwavering law woven into the fabric of the world: the power of a single word, a name. It holds power over that which it labels - it describes any living or inanimate object - its essential definition.

A name. It is but a word, yet its value is more than we can comprehend. Not only is a name how we differentiate who and what we are, it can hold power over how the rest of the world will judge you. It follows the simple idea that any word or name holds more than one purpose or meaning, and we are slaves to these predetermined connotations held by the "other" party.

There is a burden that comes with naming something or someone. For once you have bestowed the word upon said focus, it in a way becomes permanent. After you have provided the name, you no longer control the destiny of that which you have given birth to. You can only hope to have a chosen a name that will not be ridiculed or disrespected - hope that it will not be twisted into a grim or faded version of its origin.

So when given the role of the namer - or creator - of a new existence, I find my mind blank, unable to engineer one word to completely define it.

Snap. Crackle. Pop.

Hi.

It's all around you. The signs are everywhere. Hesitant green amid the cold earth. Breezes caress, no longer biting. A litany of high pitched trills - at every hour of the day. Sunlight now bathe worthy. The thunderous cracking of ice disrupting months of silent nature. Change has come.

It should come to no surprise. As it does every year, when the orbit of the earth brings the sun closer to the northern hemisphere, nature seems to wake bringing a fresh new start - bringing forth crowds of new life from the remains of old, almost a mockery of those that slumbered to no longer wake. Surrounded by the budding flowers, beautiful whimsical weather, and the masses of people recharging depleted sun quotas, I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It seems almost morbid of me to think so. Most I know take an optimistic stance wishing for the weather to stay on its current path. I scoff that their naive ideas - it's yet too early. I mourn the buds which have eagerly flourished with the loss of frost. I look to others and admonish, you'll regret putting the winter gear in storage. I know; I have experienced. It will not last.

It brings me to wondering, despite the evidence of years past, could I be misplacing my judgment? Am I really questioning the fate of the weather, or am I skeptic to more? Have I been looking at myself and doubting the assertions and conclusions I've made myself? Could they all be just as misleading and hope-crushing as a false spring?

It is unique that so many of us hold such an pleasant foreshadow with the weather, but when making or observing the personal changes around us, there is always a shock or disbelief and wonder at any success. Have we as humans faced such lapse in positive change that at the mention of a new resolution, doubt colors our thoughts despite any support we may vocalize?

It is not that I object to the rightful place of pessimism in this world. I merely wonder when the optimism leaked out of our sight. Could it be the gradual decay of our child-like naivete till we all end up the shriveled old men, yelling at the glimmer of happiness?

It would be a sadness - no a tragedy. For without change, it would be indeed a mad, mad world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4

---

One step, and then Another

Hi.

So as you may have noticed, I've had a bit of a long break in February - a hiatus if you will... but really I had yet again been bitten by the procrastination bug. So it's actually quite exciting that I have finally gotten a dent into the plethora of posts accumulating in my drafted posts.

It seems like I've been caught up in a hum drum routine and with a commute to and from home, nothing too exciting has been going on. Although, there have been a few things going on in my life that aren't necessarily just for kicks - like how I finally took the initiative and made up my mind to make the endeavor, the Herculean challenge, of completing the Pittsburgh Half Marathon.

Pro-life. Wait, pro-WHAT?

Hi.

Politics. It's a field that is wrought with moral dilemmas and shit slinging. It's a place where the line between government and personal justice is often blurred. For regardless of the form of government exists, it is so closely intertwined with the society that has (at some point in time) either willingly or unwillingly relinquished certain rights to allow it's reign. It is the hope of said societies that they are then ruled by policies that are established by the truths they live by. It is those very truths that make the core of a person. They define who you are and what you came from. They are immobile tracks carry you through life.

I find that in a country as vastly different as mine, there are so many of these immovable stances, that any compromise of shades of gray can be seemingly impossible - as certain parties maintain the stance that the country must live by one individual's standards. How can they ask that when our country is so diverse, that we are considered a mosaic of cultures that have mixed with the American fervor that combine tradition with something new creating a unique society that is ours?

I find that I have yet to establish many stances such as these in relation to US politics. Maybe it's because I have yet to truly participate in a world beyond my own personal bubble and I enjoy blissfully ignoring it. But with the current election coming up - and having to listen to the idiocy called the Republican debates - I most definitely know that I have at least a few. And there is one stance that I refuse to budge on. To quote John Stewart of The Daily Show, I am referring to the "Punanny State" aaaaaaaaaaaand it's closely related sister, abortion.

Comical Truth

Hi.

The other day I was making progress through the complete collection of Calvin and Hobbes (it's one of those ever relevant comics). From the mouth of Calvin, in response to Hobbes' inquiry:

"Sure! When you're serious about having fun, it's not much fun at all!"

There are several hobbies and activities we enjoy in our lives. But at some point, we get so busy, caught up in the humdrum of our normal routine, there seems to be no time for things that we enjoy doing - rock climbing, crocheting, piano, painting... all those things you say you'll get back to at some point. However, it seems, that if you don't actually plan these things into your schedule, you may not ever get the chance to enjoy them. And when you have to block out segments of time for them, it seems to remove the spontaneous nature of said activities, thereby sucking the joy out of them.

It makes one wonder, do the words of a comic-book, fun-seeking six-year-old hold more than just a grain of truth?

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Excitation

Hi.

It's easy to understand that the level of excitement equates to the level of joy and interest in an idea, relationship, a valued item. So when people try to convince themselves that they are satisfied with something else, where the excitement is sub-par, it makes me wonder:

Are they unable to attain that which brings climactic excitation and must accept and adapt to what they can afford, or are they settling for what is easily begotten, forgoing the extra effort required to reach what they yearn for?

When faced with either, is it still possible to maintain a joyful, stimulating mindset with the knowledge that you do not have what truly excites you?

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On the Market

Hi.

Just the other day, I got a "save the date" from a friend of mine from college. She's a year older than me, was a chemical and biomolecular engineering major and my co-choreographer the first year and a half that I was a captain for my classical Indian dance team. That being said, when we first met, I knew nothing about who she was - in my head, she was just a serious, talented dancer. But due to the lengths of time, the close quarters, and teaching moments that come with choreographing for a dance team, I got to know just how funny and crazy she  really is (let's just say that we got along really well, despite the conflicting ideas and obstinate personalities on either ends). Regardless, she was a very close friend of mine.

So you're probably wondering why I mentioned the whole save the date thing. Well, I've been invited to her wedding.

Old Biddy Syndrome

Hi.

Oh my gosh! Are you seeing what I'm seeing? Wow. This is incredible. Do you see this? Look, I've posted! So soon? I'm just blown away. Amaaaazing.

Alright, I hope my heavily sarcastic tone reached you through the internet. I doubt I have the capacity to fully describe my posture, facial expression, and speech inflections to provide you with the complete impact of the sarcasm. But onto the important thing, my little post ^_^.

Parents worry about their children. It's a fact of parenthood (I assume). Sure what they might worry about varies from family to family, but the bottom line remains that parents worry.

So when I talk about how my mom worries, I'm not trying to discount the worrying other parents do. I just don't think they worry to quite as much or in quite the way my mother does. Forget worrying about my ability to live independently or snaring a job where I am happy. Forget even finding a person who I am compatible with (and importantly gets along with the family). Forget even who I have become as a person or the decisions I'll make in terms of morality and maintaining the fundamentals she has taught me. A very prominent worry of hers is that I will become an old lonely spinster... and not quite for the reasons you might think.

To spill or not to spill

Hi.

Secrets: Keeping vs Sharing

Is the reason why we spill the beans linked to the fact that the knowledge that you know something (information that they cannot even know you have) does not provide you the satisfaction that showing off to others the nature of your closely guarded information does?

But if that is the case, is it technically correct to continue to label it as a secret?

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Natural Genius

Hi.

As I have been pondering the last few days, I realize that I have never set myself a schedule for posting on Eclipsed. At first I posted so often that any sort of structure in my posting was not required. But I feel like I've gotten over that initial exhilaration. Essentially the honeymoon period is over, and any attempts to proceed otherwise have led to a lack of posting or just a lack of any productive work in my current life.

I've realized also that at home, I don't have the same sort of stimuli I had in college. With the lack of responsibilities aside from taking care of my own agenda, I had the freedom to do most anything. This of course led to the plethora of subjects that fed my posting. I'm not saying that I've been completely stripped of any potential for discourse. But I do realize that with a different life style comes different logistics. And since my time is limited, I must place rules for my own posting, thereby forming my own kind of stability which may in turn motivate additional productivity in the rest of my life. But, until I figure out what kind of laws I will command myself with, onto the actual post.

Today, there was an interesting episode of 60 minutes on television. Now normally, I'm not one to watch 60 minutes. In fact, I rarely even notice its appearance on the channel guide. But this evening, what especially caught my attention was its focus. Well, not just its focus, but really one specific subject area within the main topic and a particular point within the subject: Elephants! And their babies ^_^. [Note: the episode was on the animals of Africa]

Insatiably Wanting

Hi.

My brother came home! Ok, that was my failed attempt at justifying my lack of posting. Sure, I'm relegated to the role of ushering my brother through the list of tasks he has been given by my mother. And I may even have to pack everything from the food he'll be taking to his dorm fridge to the winter boots that he'd recently bought (which he of course forgot to load into the car...). Don't forget my interference is also needed to bridge the gap in understanding between my brother and my parents. Having to be interrupted each time I sit down to do something doesn't quite help my already stagnate attempts at consolidating my closet, among other tasks I've given myself.

But all of that is quite alright, because when my brother is home, I'm at home: for home isn't quite so without him - however it may interfere with my attempts at making time to post ^_^.

So as comes with the new year's resolutions, there are the moments when we take stock of what we have and what we want - what we crave. And it occurred to me that I have methods of dealing with my own cravings.

Symptomatic Airhead

Hi.

A few videos caught my attention today. Men dressed as females and enacting "shit they say". And when I recognized a few as said from my mouth, it made me wonder, and yet at the same time fear - do we project that vapid bimbo when speaking those lines?

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Aquaintances of a fanciful sort

Hi.

Much to my chagrin, I have been struggling with a few of the posts that I have been intending to write. I've had the drafts open, and when I go to write, I either sit there with all my thoughts in my head, or I let myself get distracted by the instant messages of friends I no longer talk to daily. And the sad part is, that the posts aren't all on serious topics. I just find myself with my thoughts and no idea of how they should be presented, organized, structured... you get the point. As I was listening to the twangs of a certain movie's soundtrack, my gaze landed upon an old friend of mine, a friend of a very cuddly nature.

He's large. He's red. He's furry. And no, he's not Clifford. He's my three foot (and some) tall teddy bear, Crayola.

Perfect?

Hi

Found a quote I wanted to share:

"Every woman deserves a man who calls her baby, kisses her like he means it, holds her like he never wants to let her go, doesn't cheat or lie, wipes her tears when she cries, doesn't make her jealous of other women, instead makes other women jealous of her, is not scared to let his friends know how he really feels about her, and lets her know how much he really loves her."

The italics are what I dream the perfect relationship has, though all of them seem vital. The only edit I'd implement? Change the last line to "lets her know what he really feels about her." I guess the love-cynic still exists in me.

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Resolutely vacant

Hi.

As the New Year comes upon us, resolutions are gathered and listed, same as every new year. Most are personal in nature, defining what you're goals are for yourself. So why is it that this tradition has become an annual fad, with repeatable, generalized lists that will never be resolved in the coming year?

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Velutinous Crystalline Precipitation

Hi.

Happy New Year! I have to admit, that this year, my plans for new year's eve were made pretty much the day before (as in Friday). The original plan consisted of me knowing that I would not be attending the local south Indian community's party with my parents, and that I would be spending it with one of my friends. So during a car ride, my mother suggested we go into downtown for the First Night festivities. Now, this was my third time attending this event: first with my family, second with just my mother, and third with people my age. And each time I've been there, I've experienced a different side of it. Happily, I enjoyed the childish side of the event this time, coming back with a ring and bracelet made using UV light changing beads, a mask I decorated, the remains of a bag of kettle corn, and memories of immature, childish behavior ^_^.

Now, originally, I had planned to post on the 31st, but then my last minute plans for the day meant I had no time to write anything. And then, I planned on posting something on the 1st, but recovering from the previous night (mostly from the lack of sleep) took up most of my time. There's not much writing to be done when one's asleep. So when I woke up today, and saw the snow falling outside, I remembered the one day in December that it actually snowed. Which of course triggered the avalanche of ideas in my mind, of how much I love the fluffy goodness called snow.