Hi.
Things are different. I am different now. Not a new change, but definitely a change overtime. I know part of it is that I have a different outlook. Another part? I've been getting the chance to explore some new things.
Let's get into it.
Yes I have been on dating apps, and set things to "something casual". But let's take it back further.
Since medical school, I've made friendships that are the same, but also different. I'm no longer the naive, hesitant undergraduate discovering my sexuality for the first time. (I mean I'm still a little clueless that someone's hitting on me, I might need them to be explicit, or show me interest with their body language/physical touch O.o). I know my tastes, and I don't need to wait for someone to approach me. But the friends I'm with let me drop the pretenses or second thoughts and go for it.
This has probably led me to be more open to opportunities, to follow my gut, and experience new things...
... New... Like learning just how dominant I can be - maybe actually even BDSM territory dominant.
I've never actually been with a partner who is a Sub in the way I've read it in books. There is something powerful when someone willingly gives you that control. It really unlocked a whole aspect of myself I hadn't fully realized existed. There are certain things I say I won't do sexually, but somehow when I'm with a Sub who gives freely like that... let's just say I am willing to reward them ^.^
I also don't usually seriously sext with people. I rely on the direct interactions and atmosphere to for my brain to go to a place where I'll engage sexually, and text is a pretty sterile place for me. But apparently now is the time for new experiences. Not only did I engage via text with my Sub partner, I also found out that I can get a little vindictive if I feel like they don't do what I ask. Like punishment pleasure. Like putting someone on display but not letting them leave satisfied, because that's what I felt like when they didn't hold up their end of the play.
This is probably the first time I really synced mentally with the dominant characters I've read about in books. Like the male ones...
... New... Like having multiple partners at a time - which allows for some interesting dynamics when more than one person is more dominant XD.
While I can definitely jive with another dominant partner, I tend to butt heads sexually, because neither person is inclined to yield. It makes for fun interactions, but it'll take a little bit of yielding for me to let things get further. Now add in a third less dominant partner... it's interesting how that eases the dominant clash. I'm sure this depends on the people involved and who takes the brunt of the focus in the moment. But having that third person who yields allows for more play, more give, and more take.
And when you are the third partner with an established couple, it's quite pleasant to be the focus of interest. I'm sure there are situations where the third can feel like they are on the periphery - but with the couple I was with, both were interested in exploring the interaction with me as individuals. And hey, I really enjoyed just how much both of them were content to just touch my skin - and that I could selfishly just lay there and not reciprocate...
But most importantly... can I say just how awesome extra hands/bodies can be? Just the surface distribution of physical contact that fills my senses and crowds out any other thoughts in my brain? The things that are a single person or body is incapable to doing.... Mmmmm just so good.
Well time to get back to the rest of my actual responsibilities... But may there be more to look forward to before I leave...
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