Mangos

 Hi.

It didn't start out as a lonely day.

Calling my friends, calling my family, talking like things are normal.

And then I had the mangos. Nothing special - just eating a few mangos. I've done this several times before. I've had them with my mom and my dad. I had them with my brother.

And then I had them alone.

And that's when the day was different. That was when the day turned lonely.

You don't always realize how close you are to someone. Because they don't talk about how close they are to you. That's not how they're built. They just show you.

Because they always save you mangos. They keep them ready for you for that one time you come by and visit. Just enough for you. No one else gets them. They're just for you. They're a way for him to show how much you mean to him. Because he'd show it all the time. Every time.

I didn't get to see him everyday. I didn't get to see him very often. But it's on those normal ordinary days that I'll miss him. That I'll remember he's gone. That he won't be saving those mangos for me anymore. That I won't ever see that profile walking over, towel thrown over a shoulder, as he brings the mangos to cut for me to eat. That I learned to cut my mangos from the way he did.

I didn't realize the space he took in my memories. I was just getting to know who he was when he was a young man. There's so much that I won't know. So much that is gone.

I love mangos. And now I know that he was a part of the reason for it. 

I guess it'll take a while before I can eat mangos alone. A while before they stop changing the day. A while before it reminds me that I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

I wish I could have given you one last hug.

I will always love mangos. Will you share one with me?