In Like

Hi.

I don't know if it's getting to be that time of year when daylight savings makes it seem like the sun sets waaaaaaaaaay to early, or if I've just been watching too many Asian dramas (like this one 70 episode historical fiction saga on Netflix...), but it's got me thinking...

As I reach the close of the Rise of the Phoenixes, things are getting more intense than lighthearted, with a sudden increase in death and political warfare over moments of romantic tension. This intense drive to know what happens next is slowly losing momentum, and I seem nostalgic over the gratifying interludes of hero-heroine ardor. But I'm like 3 episodes from the end. So gotta finish that...

But it's pretty much swinging me back into that place where I just want to be "in like" again. I mean even just to have those twinges of slight sadness... Just give me something that I feel due to my own life instead of through a novel or a movie or a series.

Yet in the back of my head I still wonder, will I ever actually find someone? I know that as time goes on, many people compromise the qualities they look for in their spouse or partner. I frankly have doubts that I would. And right now, finding that person is not a priority. I'm focusing on developing my education for my future career. And I like making that my focus.

Maybe I'm tired of the series of dead-ends I have already encountered pursuing my potential someone. Maybe I need to branch out and select a non-binary interest on a dating app. Or maybe I just need to work at putting myself in a place where I can interact with others and actually meet more people. It just hasn't been my strong suit. I historically tend to have eyes for that which holds no interest for me or is unavailable.

I know ultimately, it all boils down to the fact that I really do want to have a family. I don't want to have kids because I think I'd be good at it, or I know that I want to raise children (I mean that's a serious life change and financial cost. Seriously). I would like to have a family that's not spread out across the country. I want to have people that I feel close to, with me.

So maybe I need to just move closer to the people I consider family. Maybe I end up having kids on my own and have my parents help me out. But maybe I just want to be "in like" with someone for a change.

<Insert song from Rise of the Phoenixes here>

(I guess it's too soon for the soundtrack to have been released?? And just to make sure I don't leave without a song, so below is a repeat from my last post that's all about that "like" ^_^).