Lost and Found

Hi!!!

And before you ask, no, the new background is not a stock photo or something I googled. It was taken on a mid-October trip to San Diego... I swear, that place still doesn't seem for real...

Because my patience does not extend to providing a year in review, I'll get right to the post. ^_^

In Real Life

I'm a firm believer that life is experienced in the present and part of what makes the present so amazing is that it exists for just a moment. I am not a proponent of YOLO nor do I stamp everything with #IRL because it is an ideology longer lasting than a trend and of greater depth than a tweet. (not of course discounting the few profound and deep tweets out there...)

Sure I'll post things on social media, cause hey it is the world we live in and how we interact day to day. But somehow, it feels like a picture or a video we take on our phones is just a cheap replica of the actual interactions in the moment.

Technology is amazing. We have ways to record the big and small events in our lives and share them with with everyone and no one. But by focusing on getting the right angle or recording something, we forget to be a part of the moment. To be in the wonder, in the emotion, of the moment.

The evenings I spent watching the stars travel across the skies with the sounds of the waves crashing on the beaches in Punta Cana. The sense of rightness and peace when I see the poet's garden through the eyes of a mentally unstable artist. The fact that I could see the milky way arc through the sky but couldn't find brightest star because there were just too many on a summer night in Maine. The gushing movement of active lava flows making a path to the Pacific ocean. The energy amidst the shadows of Manhattan skyscrapers and the sprawling emptiness of the Midwest.

In the rush to document the story of our lives, we forget that we are but a blip in the ever expanding universe.

We forget that a picture on our phones can't capture the vibrant essence of life and energy all around us.

Into the Void

I had lost the motivation to write any further. Given the overload of data spewed over the internet, what is the point of sharing anything I have to offer?

I had convinced myself at the start of the blog that I was really just writing for myself. It was a return to the catharsis of my childhood journals. But if that is truly the case, then why all the effort to present an audio/visual experience? Why is this not a private access blog? In fact, why did I even bother with all the effort of formatting, recording and collating all the information I've every shared from shoes to songs to wine to every other small thing on this site?

It definitely wasn't for me. Giving myself more work to do? With my inclinations? Think about it. Definitely not for myself.

So why was I blogging? To share.

Looking at back, I was and still do look for a way to share - to connect - with someone outside my head. A Facebook minus the Face.

It's a little hard to admit it. I don't live to get the most likes on what I post. I don't need to share the things I've seen, tasted, felt, heard, or experienced in a constant feed. I respect my own privacy enough that don't share my entire life online.

Yet here I am putting things out into the void with expectations that strangers would read it, react to it. A fault I judge in those who seek such rewards.

Ultimately, I found myself a bit of a fool for putting in the effort. So I stopped.

Why then have I returned? Part of it was accepting that I will always direct my writing towards an audience - whether that audience let's me know it's there or not ^_^ . The other part? I just missed writing things that weren't submissions for a publication or a grant or for documentation or a deadline - writing that just happens.

So. I've trimmed some fat, changed a few colors, and I'm looking forward to my sporadic posting.

Here are the 2 songs that I "vibed" for this post.
(Ok, I might have been watching too much of the Flash as of late... haha).

And for those curious, here's the background in it's original glory: