Happy 2016!
It's about that time when things start to settle in for the winter weather - as in it actually feels like winter - and if you've made any resolutions, you discover if you'll actually end up sticking with them. Of course, if you've been with me for long, you know how I feel about resolutions - but that doesn't mean that I don't have some goals for myself during this upcoming year. And don't worry, I'll get into it sure enough ^_^.
But first let's get a little philosophical?
Fireflies
Going out at dusk, watching them flash in the dimming light, waiting poised as they float around you, trapping one between your hands, feeling it crawl over your hands - but afraid to peek, sneaking looks anyway, wanting to keep it, knowing you have to let it go.
Those memories are imbued with such joy and wonder that now feels tamped down, locked within. Grand views of nature and the cosmos still take my breath away, but the innocence of the moment or that feeling of belief that maybe Narnia could exist, that something magical is out there doesn't come so easily.
I feel it unlocked in those moments of musical beauty, in the times that I slow down to just appreciate something that's beyond me.
It's not the rushing glee of delight or the exhilaration of achieving something.
It's not the rush of endorphins or the excitement of discovery.
It is that understanding that anything is possible, that reality is just a shroud over what few people have dared to witness.
I somehow keep coming back to the notion that this feeling is tied to belief. It is in line with believing in fate or some greater purpose. Or even believing in a higher power - belief in religion even.
But for me, I think it comes back to the hope or wish that something special would happen to me - something that would whisk me away on an adventure and I would always carry with me.
And yet, I so easily have lost that. The real world just became such a burden that it's crushing that capability out of me.
Maybe it will come back to me - the way my imagination would run wild. The possibilities.
Cause, you know - fireflies ^_^
Sparks
I have taken a new step with regards to my social life. You may recall my lament with regards to finding people to hang out with or meet other people - though I won't blame you if you've forgotten. Well, it seems that I can do something that isn't overly involved to do that - coffee meets bagel.
Alright, so my motivations for using the app are not the "I'm looking to find the one". Nope, bottoml line I just want to have fun.
Case A: If I don't do it now, when will I?
Given my mentality with getting introductions through my parents, I almost have no expectations for first date/romance/getting to know someone you have a vibe with kinda things. I mean I've practically set the bar to maybe feelings will develop or I'll get comfortable enough with them to go there?
It's literally the lack of expecting to be romanced. And with most of the guys not being in the same city, there is very little chance of a first date even happening till 4-5 months in.
So bottom line, I need to take things into my own hands if I don't want to regret never having dated - it's not like it'll happen after I get married...
Case B: It's a way to be me, my-nerd-self, and I and still have guys interested.
One thing I am known for doing is surprising people with my entire personality, or the "paradox" of it. That because I'm in a certain situation, they don't realize the full nature of who I am.
So it is good for me to figure out how to be all of me at the same time. Sure there's a time and a place for certain versions of myself - but when I want to get to know someone for real, I should be myself for real in return.
And hey, it doesn't hurt when you know guys are still interested :P.
Case C: I think I really like the attention of multiple guys
I think I know what it says about me that I like having multiple conversations/meet ups going on at the same time. But I'm not trying to be a douche - really I'm not. I'm just putting me first (which makes sense since I'm doing this for me in the first place...).
I think it comes from two aspects of my personality. The first being - I'm a natural flirt. Receiving the attention of someone who's not just a drunk guy at the bar and playing with that attention is just what I like to do.
The other part stems from how I've made friends - never in just one clique, but all across the spectrum.
Different guys have different interests - and I apparently need to interact with several to cover all of my own interests and personalities. It is very intellectually and socially stimulating - and it's great.
Case D: I get to discover more of the city
This is truly the silliest reason, because so far I've mostly been on dates that involve drinking and light bits of entertainment. But it helps for when I don't want to have to be on my own to do something. And if they've been in the city long enough - I don't have to plan what to do, I can kick back and let the guy do it first ^_^.
But seriously, I get out a lot more since I have somewhere to actually go.
Case E: Being out and about means I have less time to wallow
There is nothing worse than wallowing at home, feeling sad about the fact that I don't have my own personal snuggle person.
There is nothing worse than mentally obsessing over things that are always in your face or not going to happen.
Not saying that I'll be able to prevent it from happening at all - but having a guy show interest (like having someone give me a "woo" the other day) and avoiding spending all my weekends alone keeps me occupied more than without. Of course there may come the pitfalls of serially dating - where I feel the lack of a good connection... but I'll get there when I get there.
In the end, sure I'm not out to meet the guy of my dreams. But I am going out to do something I haven't ever really done before to avoid something I might regret in the long run.
I might be playing the field a bit, but it's like binge-watching tv: eventually I will slow down. And hey, I really might meet someone I'd actually like to go the distance with. Till then, I'm going to enjoy myself and definitely figure out how to let a guy down (I do not think I am so cruel to lead a guy on indefinitely).
I apologize for the size of this playlist window... I can't seem to get the html to make it smaller...
Alright, so my motivations for using the app are not the "I'm looking to find the one". Nope, bottoml line I just want to have fun.
Case A: If I don't do it now, when will I?
Given my mentality with getting introductions through my parents, I almost have no expectations for first date/romance/getting to know someone you have a vibe with kinda things. I mean I've practically set the bar to maybe feelings will develop or I'll get comfortable enough with them to go there?
It's literally the lack of expecting to be romanced. And with most of the guys not being in the same city, there is very little chance of a first date even happening till 4-5 months in.
So bottom line, I need to take things into my own hands if I don't want to regret never having dated - it's not like it'll happen after I get married...
Case B: It's a way to be me, my-nerd-self, and I and still have guys interested.
One thing I am known for doing is surprising people with my entire personality, or the "paradox" of it. That because I'm in a certain situation, they don't realize the full nature of who I am.
So it is good for me to figure out how to be all of me at the same time. Sure there's a time and a place for certain versions of myself - but when I want to get to know someone for real, I should be myself for real in return.
And hey, it doesn't hurt when you know guys are still interested :P.
Case C: I think I really like the attention of multiple guys
I think I know what it says about me that I like having multiple conversations/meet ups going on at the same time. But I'm not trying to be a douche - really I'm not. I'm just putting me first (which makes sense since I'm doing this for me in the first place...).
I think it comes from two aspects of my personality. The first being - I'm a natural flirt. Receiving the attention of someone who's not just a drunk guy at the bar and playing with that attention is just what I like to do.
The other part stems from how I've made friends - never in just one clique, but all across the spectrum.
Different guys have different interests - and I apparently need to interact with several to cover all of my own interests and personalities. It is very intellectually and socially stimulating - and it's great.
Case D: I get to discover more of the city
This is truly the silliest reason, because so far I've mostly been on dates that involve drinking and light bits of entertainment. But it helps for when I don't want to have to be on my own to do something. And if they've been in the city long enough - I don't have to plan what to do, I can kick back and let the guy do it first ^_^.
But seriously, I get out a lot more since I have somewhere to actually go.
Case E: Being out and about means I have less time to wallow
There is nothing worse than wallowing at home, feeling sad about the fact that I don't have my own personal snuggle person.
There is nothing worse than mentally obsessing over things that are always in your face or not going to happen.
Not saying that I'll be able to prevent it from happening at all - but having a guy show interest (like having someone give me a "woo" the other day) and avoiding spending all my weekends alone keeps me occupied more than without. Of course there may come the pitfalls of serially dating - where I feel the lack of a good connection... but I'll get there when I get there.
In the end, sure I'm not out to meet the guy of my dreams. But I am going out to do something I haven't ever really done before to avoid something I might regret in the long run.
I might be playing the field a bit, but it's like binge-watching tv: eventually I will slow down. And hey, I really might meet someone I'd actually like to go the distance with. Till then, I'm going to enjoy myself and definitely figure out how to let a guy down (I do not think I am so cruel to lead a guy on indefinitely).
I apologize for the size of this playlist window... I can't seem to get the html to make it smaller...
In other news...
I did get a chance to actually visit a coffee shop the other day called The Bagelers Coffeehouse! Though I did not try the bagels, I did really enjoy my expensive latte (salted caramel). It was not overwhelmingly sweet, allowing for the coffee to really come through.
I did come with a friend so I didn't experience it in the usual way, but it's a cozy little space with just room in the front for seating. But I can imagine sitting down against the sofa wall seating and spending a few hours there. Of course, the downside was that they closed at 5pm on a Saturday.
(And now I will sit down and write up a review on yelp... since I do that now :D ).
And just in case that wasn't enough to do this weekend, I also got the chance to try a whole bunch of coffees today (at a doughnut festival), including a few nitro pressed cold brews and a barrel aged brew! Given that I enjoyed their coffees, I am very eager to check out their cafes in person - it helps that I have the coupons to go with them ^_^.
And that's all folks!
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