Scene 3, Take 1. Action.

Hi.

In the myriad of close encounters I've had, I'm sure I've mentioned that dating has not been one of them. Sure there might have been something that bordered on becoming that, but it went on its way down another path.

I could say that last week I had my first encounter - if you will - of that nature, but it doesn't seem like it really fits the bill. Sure we'll call it a first date. But somehow it's an incomplete definition.

So of course, I get to deal with all the distracting doubts that dig into my head. But hey, what better way to flush them out than by dumping them out here, right?

*Heads up, it's a soundtrack post! It's been awhile hasn't it ^_^.
p.s.: if you can't listen while reading, wait till you can!

So let's take it back to the beginning...

PREFACE

From the start, this was outside the scope of a normal guy asks girl kinda date. In fact it was more like a blind date. Actually, let's go with calling it a "set up". Cause frankly, that's what it was. A setup by Indian parents. Specifically our mothers.

Shall I tell you exactly how? Well my friend, of course I will, because I am that kind of person.

It started with a chance encounter of our mothers - in the presence of said boy. Of course, being Indian mothers, they immediately bonded over the trials and tribulations of finding their children's future spouses. In fact, they really bonded over the reluctance of their children to embark on the adventure of finding one.

Now, before we go any further, I'd like to disclose that my mother did admit to exaggerating here. She knows, as I have agreed, that I'm open to being set up. But knowing that sometimes, it helps to play along to get things rolling. In this case, it was pretending that I was as unwilling as the other "child" in this situation.

In a later overture, my mother was approached with a query, would she know if her daughter would be inclined to get to know her son, and if so, she'd lean on her son to get the ball rolling.

Of course, considering that both my mother and I were already wondering if this would actually happen, we immediately cracked up laughing, because we were actually right. So of course, we - I mean my mother - strategically replied with a casual "she'd be up for it".

SCENE 1, contact

Some time later. I receive a casual message. I reply to said casual message. Potential first meet is setup.

First meet falls through.

Some time later. I send query, potential availability. Eager parents make it direct. A call is made. Plans are set. Set to "wing it".

Things are fussed over. Things are ignored. What do we call this? Mothers and aunts and a father gush over plans for the future. Things are blatantly ignored.

Outfits are set. Flair and fabulous is the first facade. Persona set to smooth, stun, sarcastic, worldly. Sudden nerves. Sudden calm.

Greeting with embrace. Tense, humor, and silence set the stage.

A bite to eat, sip of lemonade, it eases in. Professional to start, with goals for the future slid in. Temper the pretension, soak in the sunlight.

Personal stories with a side of FREAK OUT. I hear notes of hesitation. Let's talk about music.

Time for a stroll, down the pier, let us meander. Edging to contact - maybe not. Why can't I get a vibe?

A dip in the water, scene change.

Couple chats, but we aren't. Do I like the do, bounce, focus: Ultimate mix.

Mid devour alert, reluctance? Relocate for transportation. Seems like the end.

And then? A missed chance, a farewell, a lingering question.

SCENE 2, evaluation

Let me set it up for you. I had a good time. I have no clues as to his experience. I am flying blind. So what do I do? Recon.

Before me are a few options: 1) Recall, re-analyze. 2) Out right questioning. 3) Indirect questioning.

1) Recall, re-analyze - review all previous and current interactions with a fine tooth comb.

Of course this is easily the most flawed of all analysis. There is a delicate balance between being subjective and objective. Often, it is favorable to consult with others to garner a more detached viewpoint or male insight.

Observations: He was very comfortable in conversation and ready to laugh. There was an initial compatibility with comfort of discussion, interests, and sarcasm (though there might have been a disconnect at first - I speculate the effect of initial nerves). There was an obvious rejection of parental influence in this process and a hesitance of jumping into any kind of relationship.

Though he did not outright shy from contact, there were no attempts to make any. I would say more specifically, there was an odd mix of familiarity and distance - not unexpected for a first encounter.

Noticeably, there were no comments on points of flair in my attire (ex: large orchid earrings, bright coral lipstick, bright pink shoes), though there was a point of conversation directed towards my hair. Inversely, I made no overtures as to his attire myself - which may have been the bridge necessary for him to reply in kind.

Interestingly enough I believe we did exude the aura of being on a date on more than one occasion. However, due to the fact that I was not able to discover his eagerness to engage in a meeting and the lack of the usual signals of interest, it is not possible to claim that he viewed this encounter as a date.

Conclusion: I believe that he found this meeting to be enjoyable, as conversation and the occasional silence were comfortable throughout. Given direct inquiry, he is willing to keep in touch in the future, but is not very keen on things moving quickly. However, re-analysis does not reveal any understanding beyond my initial gut sense during the date. It remains to be seen if he is interested, and there is a potential for him to prefer connecting with someone he meets himself. It would not hurt to have male insight.

2) Out right questioning - without coming across as overbearing, question the boy directly when the opportunity presents itself.

Creating such an opportunity is easy in and of itself. I simply sent a message mentioning my enjoyment during the date, and leave it to him to reply.

To his timid replies of "I had a nice time" I sent further tendrils of questioning. In response, I received a mix of positive feedback and full blown alarm at moving too fast.

Additional observations: I was able to garner his level of interest via texting frequency. His claims of being horrible at texting after long lengths of lack of response, and lack of response show a tepid interest if anything. One can postulate that it was an affect of wanting to make sure things go slow, but it is likely that he truly is busy with his work as he claims - which I have no reason to doubt.

Conclusion (since it is directly from the source, there isn't much to analyze): He had fun. As to his further interest, we shall have to wait for further interactions for observation. Unfortunately, additional queries might likely scare him off, so indepth understanding will have to be postponed.

3) Indirect questioning - In this circumstance, I have been presented with an unusual resource: parental inquest. Due to the level of candor between my mother and I, I would have been pretty open to discussing a first date with her. But since his parents seem to be very hopeful and interested in communicating with my mother, we are able to strategize to potentially discover what he might not reveal to me.

Considering my vacation status, my mother was able to delay revealing and conversation with me from the get go. Considering his mother's excitement, my mother was presented with a detailed coverage as heard from her son.

This conversation revealed the following: A brief description of the date, an initial compatibility feeling on his part, a point that our encounter was terminated by outside factors, his reluctance to relay the details of our interactions to his parents, his lack of texting in consideration of my being with friends (a somewhat unnecessary action considering I wouldn't have been communicating if I didn't want or have the time to), an update that we were still communicating (albeit briefly), his mother excitedly planning out our next few chances to meet up (he immediately stopped her and a conclusion from a conversation with his father.

Now this last point was one of the most revealing pieces of information. It seems that he was more free in conversation with his father than his mother (I find this reluctance to speak to mothers is familiar knowing my brother's communication with our mother). He clearly communicated interest to his father. Interestingly, he also shared his reason for moving too fast in a relationship - he doesn't feel that he is ready to get married as he is not financially stable enough to support a family.

His parents are apparently trying (at this point unsuccessfully) to disabuse him of the notion that he must marry now, and that getting to know someone you'd like to settle down with is not the same thing as getting married.

After reviewing this result, my mother and I outlined the points she would relay to his mother. There was enjoyment, a cute factor, no signals, and uncertainty.

This information was received happily, and with apology - they would try to get their son to realize continuing on would not equate immediate marriage.

Conclusions: This guy is ridiculously trigger-shy, and there is nothing that can be done on my part to fix that. I can say that he is definitely interested, but he is going to be very cautious of expressing that interest. Due to his reluctance to share with his mother/parents, this method of data retrieval may not be as successful in the future.

SCENE 3, the end?

So here we are. The now, the present. The gameplan? Wait and see.

I've done what I thought was necessary - I expressed my interest, I acknowledged acceptance of his "slow and steady" plan, and I established that further communication will be welcome.

I have done my analysis of the situation and I need not run after the reluctant. I am the catch.

If I don't hear from him? Well, I am interested enough to attempt an overture...

In a while. ^_^