Individual

Hi.

I just wrote a post about standing out from the crowd, and it got me to thinking, what do I do to portray individuality?

I think most of it can be summed up through my appearance. I think my image changes and my mood determines how. But an underlying theme is that there needs to be a little bit of wacky - a little bit of crazy.

Crazy is the definition of my hair. It curls, it's wild, and it's very hard to tame. You see me, and you will most definitely notice it. It's a pet theory of mine that I have a little too much crazy in me, so much that it overflows. And all the overflow is expressed through my hair. I swear, no matter how you style my hair, you are guaranteed to find a bit of curl it adds in the most unexpected ways (and it's just really curly :P).

Next, I'd have to say are the accessories: earrings, and shoes. Nothing picks me up like a quirky pair of earrings or shoes. And frankly I have way to many of both.

I don't think I necessarily classify my earrings as crazy in an insane way. I would say I just like to have earrings that pop, make a statement, or have a little quirkiness to them. More than any other item of jewelry, I like wearing earrings. I guess I feel like they give me attitude, or reflect what my mood is. And I love large earrings. There is something bold about them, and I'd like to think that they reflect my boldness. I also feel kick ass in them. And when you wear them, it draws people's attention to you through them. Of course, I don't just have big earrings. But I feel like even those are just a little different, are a little quirky. Like the earrings I have that are bunches of grapes, ones that are little bells, or the ones that look like snowflakes.

I think the same kind of principle can be applied to my shoes. Disregarding the few that are meant to be common, my goal when I choose shoes are to look for something that shouts out loud or at least talks to me. If anything, I tend to get flashy when it comes to shoes. There is something empowering about wearing them. For example, I recently purchased a pair of heels that is covered in gold sparkles (to of course match my other pair of shoes covered in silver glitter :P). They are a little ridiculous, but there's a weird system involved with wearing something like that. You wear the shoes, and you feel a little badass for wearing them. That feeling makes you walk with that attitude, which draws more attention to the shoes. And that attention makes me feel even more powerful and bold and it's like a positive feedback loop that keeps going. I feel like that with all my shoes, though some shoes have a slightly different tone in addition to the attitude.

Now in terms of clothing, I don't think I'm that crazy (aside form a few eye attracting pieces, like a certain skirt of mine). But I know that my sense of fashion is different for a lot of people in the communities at home. Most people my age tend to dress towards preppy. I like to dress a little differently - a mix of chic, biker-chick, sporty, and bohemian (occasionally sexy, but that's definitely not an everyday thing). And I love seeing the slightly shocked looks on people when they see me in casual clothes - because it is most definitely not what they expect, especially in Indian communities. I think I feed off of the stares of people, kind of like how I do so when I wear Indian clothes out and about in regular day to day stuff.

I think it all ultimately comes down to the way I somehow feed off of the attention of others (whether good or bad in appreciation). And it boosts my confidence, despite the initial thinking of not caring what others think about my appearance.

Sure, my individuality can't just be seen by appearance. But I feel like it is my appearance helps aid the confidence I project, which in turn gives me the fuel to act all hyper, weird and crazy.

Part of me wonders if this is all just an armor, and the different pieces are the crazy behavior, earrings, shoes, jewelry, clothing, underwear and makeup I wear (and yes, awesome underwear makes you feel awesome). I know that in the back of my head there is a thought that all of this will shock people. All that feedback I get from the resulting attention feeds my ability to make and maintain the facade I project. And when I consistently act as such, it's what people will then assume is me - which makes it an easy mask to throw up. It all hides the vulnerable parts I don't want to show anyone.

I mean, I'm not always a crazy person. But appearing as one helps keep people at a distance. Sure a little bit of crazy is real. But at this point, I am confident in my ability to fake it. And lately, I've faked it a lot more. I feel like I'm just trying to be unique and stand out, when I don't feel it at all. It seems incredibly sad that I do it, or find the need to do it.

But I can't deny, this armor still gives me the boost of attitude I need to lift out of gloom. And like they say, if it isn't broken...