Insatiably Wanting

Hi.

My brother came home! Ok, that was my failed attempt at justifying my lack of posting. Sure, I'm relegated to the role of ushering my brother through the list of tasks he has been given by my mother. And I may even have to pack everything from the food he'll be taking to his dorm fridge to the winter boots that he'd recently bought (which he of course forgot to load into the car...). Don't forget my interference is also needed to bridge the gap in understanding between my brother and my parents. Having to be interrupted each time I sit down to do something doesn't quite help my already stagnate attempts at consolidating my closet, among other tasks I've given myself.

But all of that is quite alright, because when my brother is home, I'm at home: for home isn't quite so without him - however it may interfere with my attempts at making time to post ^_^.

So as comes with the new year's resolutions, there are the moments when we take stock of what we have and what we want - what we crave. And it occurred to me that I have methods of dealing with my own cravings.

Now when the word craving comes up, most would assume the object of desire was food. And in many cases that is true. But I broaden that connotation to encompass all of the things we desire. In my case, of course, that it obviously includes shoes. Essentially, I am considering the little things from the hunger for Wendy's sea salt french fries to the deep rooted dream of having a child. Cravings usually are accompanied by synonyms of harmful, but that isn't including cravings for eating fruit or such urges as going to the gym. Even though I am taking on a large umbrella of wants in my life, I realize that ultimately I treat them all with a few select tactics.

The first of these is, what I to call, abstinence. Why do I say abstinence? Because it is literally refer to the act of restraining oneself from doing or enjoying something. It depends on one's mental strength or control when one is at a moment of weakness. Now when I speak of abstinence, I am referring to the cravings that non-beneficial to your health and life. These are the junk food cravings, the shoe buying, etc. The satisfaction you can get from avoiding these cravings is fulfilling. Usually these acts are the ones that can make you feel good about yourself, because you know you have achieved something that will result in your well-being and maybe even good health.

There is also another set of cravings that comes under abstinence, that aren't necessarily unhealthy for you. These are the cravings that are long term related, and you may not be ready for that commitment in terms of maturity or financially. Here the line to avoid crossing is easy to blur because of the deep roots the desire grows in your mind. The largest of such desires for me is having my own child. I think this comes from the fact that it is the one goal I have for my future that is set in stone, sealed, and placed within a shrine. Its concrete nature is a type of security. So when I am faced with the situations that could potentially arise in that desired result, I am always faced with conflicting emotions. Logically I know that I am not ready for that kind of commitment and I understand that going through with something like that is not an option if I want the time to build my future. But in my gut there is always this anxious feeling. What if?

But because I manage to ensure that logic overrules any temptation, I am left with a sorrow and wistful reveries of something that never existed in the first place. And so I firmly believe that abstaining is the path to take with such cravings. Maybe because when it's out of sight, it's out of mind. And out of mind equates to nonexistence: a state where any related thoughts can be tucked away until the time when that itch can really be scratched. Like the saying goes, there's a time and place for everything, and that's not right here or now.

Sure, building that mental strength is very hard. But I believe it that conviction is minimal compared to the will required to halt oneself mid-gratification.

Now in the case that you have bought the package of Twinkies (so sad that they are going out of business), or when dealing with healthy cravings, I tend to follow two routes. The first I call gluttony. I'm sure that many of you are familiar with this method even without my elaboration. As the definition of the sin implies, it is an over indulgence. This is usually what happens in the moments of weakness and the moments of greed. Sometimes it happens when you finally cave into the hunger and cannot stop yourself from consuming an entire package of strawberry Veronas the day you bought them (which is also why it's sometimes better not to buy them in the first place. My roommate can attest to this). On a different side, it's when you finally get your hands on the mangoes or oranges that you've been salivating after the past few weeks, and you end up eating it all yourself instead of sharing with any other present beings.

Of course the extent to which you indulge yourself varies on the craving, but I usually think it's the easy way out, and it always comes with the consequences: whether it's having to exercise an extra 15 minutes, not hearing an alarm the next morning, economizing for the rest of the month, or even having to cut open another fruit to distribute. Another downside to the indulgent method is that is usually accompanied by either regret or guilt. I personally try to avoid this route because I firmly believe that anything is good in moderation. It is the abuse of something that will cause things to turn for the worse. Just don't hold me to it when I'm making my way through the half dozen doughnuts I bought the time I couldn't decide between 4 flavors...

Which brings me to the second method: hoarding. Now, the term definitely does not suggest any positive outcomes, but I think this route is the best of both worlds. Through this mechanism, you would neither abstain nor overindulge. However, you require the dedicated control to prevail. It is simply taking the craving, and making it last as long as possible - in a sense, you are hoarding that which you crave: trying to keep it with you forever, for as long a possible.

For example, I maintain this path when it comes to my dark chocolate addiction. I have realized that I will always have some sort of dark chocolate where ever I live, so how do I make sure I am not continually consuming the delicacy? I place the chocolate in inconspicuous locations that require a greater than average effort to remove the chocolate from (like the top shelf of the pantry). Seeing as I am at the border of petite and incredibly lazy, I manage to avoid indulging in all but the strongest of cravings for chocolate. Another method I employ is to limit the quantities I allow myself: instead of taking out the entire bar of chocolate, I only remove a small fraction of its mass. This moderation has kept me quite satisfied and allows me to savor every small nibble, like it's meant to be enjoyed.

I even apply this method to my shoe shopping. With the restrictions I set on what shoes I may buy, I am able to continue building my shoe collection without overwhelming my capacity to keep all of them. To successfully hoard, I usually need to strictly maintain any limits I've set. When I deviate, I ultimately tend to drift into the gluttonous path instead - which is also why the hoarding method isn't necessarily the best way to deal with a craving. But of course it depends on the situation and the craving itself.

I'd like to think that I maintain either the abstinence or hoarding paths when it comes to my wants, but I know that I love to indulge when I can (and sometimes when I can't). It makes me wonder, how long can I keep in a steady path before I come crashing down to the level of gluttony? Some might think that in a perfect heaven you would never want for anything, crave anything - essentially face no consequences. But then I ask, then what would you work towards? Would the ease with which you obtain what you crave change the level of value they originally held? What would motivate you anymore? What would you look forward to? For aren't the long-term desires what drive us to higher standards in the future?

So I ask you to think about what drives you - what keeps you coming back for more - what will you lust after 20 or 30 years down the line?


To the hopes that at some point that we reach the right time and place for those insatiable wants:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cgovv8jWETM